Strange Love

Last week, I shared some of my favorite modern love stories. For this week, I thought I would go in a completely different direction. Let’s face it, love makes us do dumb things. I mean really dumb head-shaking things. But did you know that some of the most insane acts in the name of love have occurred in books?

So allow me to share some of the most insane ways to declare those three little words. Perhaps flowers and chocolates aren’t getting the job done. In that case, try some of these less conventional methods. Hey, they all won the girl in the end!

Insult her mercilessly-Pride and Prejudice

Although he is one of the biggest heart throbs in classic literature, Darcy’s first impression on Elizabeth did not go so well. Here’s what she overhears him say to his best friend Mr. Bingley:

“She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me.”

Damn Darcy! You came to play! Back then, that would be the equivalent of telling a girl “hey you’re ugly get out of my face.” Guess there’s something to be said about taking the asshole approach.

“Just give me a reason!”

Perfect that creepy stare-Twilight

If the “I don’t care for you” card isn’t working, you can always try the opposite approach. Edward Cullen was comfortable enough with himself to basically stalk and stare his way into Bella’s affections. I’ve watched most of these movies. Seriously, those damn films would be 15 minutes each if they cut out all the staring scenes.

Edward Cullen laughs at your futile restraining orders!

Hide your first wife in the attic-Jane Eyre

Edward Rochester was madly in love with Jane, but he had one little problem. He neglected to let her know that he was already married, and that his first wife was quite insane. Rochester decided to take the simple approach-just lock the first wife up in the attic and hope wife number two never finds out. His elegant solution would not be successful. Things work out in the end, and Rochester does have some karma bite him on the butt. For another interesting take on Edward Rochester and his first wife, read Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys.

“One more word, and I’m locking you up there too!”

….or just go insane-Wuthering Heights

Has there truly been a more insane character than Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights? I actually feel for this one as he had a pretty rough go of it. Plus despite his madness, you have to admire the man’s passion. He definitely had style.

I think the couple of Heathcliff and Catherine is intriguing because of their mutual obsession with each other. They really are male and female versions of each other. When Heathcliff loses Catherine, he really goes off the rails, punishing everyone in his path.

“Edward Cullen has nothing on my ability to stare down.”

Fuel a blood feud then off yourself-Romeo and Juliet

Young love. This is one of the few Shakespeare plays that I could actually quote verbatim back in the day (thanks to the Leonardo DiCaprio film). It’s too bad things couldn’t have been resolved. Maybe if they had therapists back then, the families could have resolved their differences. I guess it wouldn’t be a classic though had everything worked out in the end.

Make her the town pariah-The Scarlet Letter

After getting Hester Prynne knocked up, Arthur Dimmesdale finds he doesn’t have the courage to take a stand and admit his actions. The unconfessed guilt comes to haunt him in some major ways. Hester Prynne is definitely one of the strongest women I’ve encountered in literature. If you weren’t forced to read it in high school, you should do so now.

Take her captive-The Phantom of the Opera

This one should work no matter how hideous you look. Just lock her up, profess your love, and tell her that if she doesn’t marry you, you’re going to blow everyone up. The best part is that while you are doing it, you get to wear a cool mask!

Well I hope this post brought a few smiles if nothing else. I will be reviewing the love story Every Day this weekend. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Have you read any of these books? What other insane romances would you include on this list. I’d love to know your thoughts!